Nicholas Cage Knows What’s Up

So I know three really awesome things about Nicholas Cage.

1. He named his son Kal-El.

2. He took his last name after Luke Cage, AKA Power Man. Yes, the same Power man that sports a yellow blouse and tiara.

3. Nicholas Cage knows how to treat the ladies…case in point.

That’s right…You’re Welcome.

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Horrible Comic Cover O’ the Week 2/15/08

Okay, so it’s been a little more than a week since the last cover, but we don’t really run this ship with German efficiency. Anyways, here’s a whole heaping helping of horror straight from Punisher Force of Nature, written by Duane Swiercyznksi with art by Michel Lacombe.

Frank Castle kills Moby Dick.

You know what I find special about this cover isn’t just the obvious allusion to Moby Dick and the obvious comparison it brings between Captain Ahab and Frank Castle, but the bizarre sequence of events that must have lead to this situation.

Follow my logic for a moment, if you will. The Punisher’s whole purpose in life is to exterminate criminals in the most violent, gratuitous manner possible. The Punisher only kills those who deserve to die. So for the Punisher to get in a rickety little boat and push off into the Deep Blue Sea with nothing more than a spear to waste a giant white whale, what Whale must have been into some seriously illegal affairs. We’re talking like selling dope laced with cyanide to mentally challenged orphans and then eating their dead, drugged out orphan bodies, kind of illegal affairs.

What? It’s the Marvel Universe, if they can undo Spidey and MJ, anything is possible.

All Hail Skeet!!!

 

Jake Green

February 12th, 2008 was one of the greatest days in television history. Jericho has returned from the depths of cancellation and is now back on television. With the writers strike now over new shows and new episodes will soon return to the small screen, but none will have the type of momentum and fan base like Jericho.

Jericho is about a small Kansas town that is plunged into turmoil when America is attacked by terrorists. The show slowly unravels across the first season’s 22 episodes. Through out the first season the major players are revealed and a story arc is assembled between Jericho and the town of New Bern. Also the overarching story of who attacked America is slowly unmasked. I am not here for a recap, I am here to alert of this show’s greatness.

Jericho owes it complete existence to the viewers, more so than any other show. Jericho was officially cancelled on May 16th 2007, but due to the tenacity of the viewers it was brought back. The viewers of this great show would not allow it to disappear so unjustly. They rallied behind the show and created one of the most impressive forms of protest that I have seen in a long time.

At the end of the first season Skeet Ulrich’s character, Jake Green, is asked by New Bern’s leader Phil Constantino to surrender. Jake responds, with a famous quote made by General McAuliffe during the Battle of the Bulge, with “NUTS!!!” This simple quote spawned a campaign the likes of which have never been seen.

The fans, on hearing of Jericho’s cancellation, began sending nuts to CBS. At first it was a small amount, but once it hit the Jericho website’s forum, it exploded. Hundreds of pounds of nuts were shipped to CBS studios, both the East and West, on a daily basis. The campaign reached somewhere in the range of 20 tons of nuts delivered. This was so successful that it finally caught the attention of those in the upper echelons of CBS. They decided to give Jericho one more season to try to build upon this new and growing fan base. This chance came just one day before the sets of the show were to be torn down.

I have a feeling that Jericho will be around for a very long time. The show will be allowed to run its course and will be allowed to end on its own terms. The fans were always there for Jericho, the fault falls squarely upon CBS. They did not promote the show enough and stupidly decided to break the first season in half. Each half was separated by, I believe, one or two months, causing for decreased views in the second half. I just hope that CBS and the other stations have learned from this stupidity.

Jericho is seriously one of the best shows on television, if you have not had a chance to see this phenomenal show check it out on the Jericho website or just “NUT” up and buy Jericho’s first season. Jericho can be seen on Tuesdays at nine on CBS.

Geek Valentine Ideas

Oi vey, I am feeling very under the weather. I’m like Swedish Host Eva Nazemson sick. Don’t know what I mean? Here’s a refresher.

So as I take a sick day off, I figured it could at least give the people some gift ideas for that special geek in your life.

1. Chocolates: These ain’t your daddies basic box o’ chocolates. I’m talking about specially molded superhero chocolates straight from The Chocolate Vault.

Kneel before Zod!!

There’s no better way to let your little geek know you care than presenting them with a miniature Kal-El for their consumption.

2. 8-Bit Tie: What originally started as an April Fool’s Joke has spun into a full blow geek apparel must have. You’re always telling him how you wished he dressed up more, and this is a great way to easy him into the world of formal dress. Check it out at ThinkGeek .

3. Marvel Romance Trade Paperback: Worried that all that violence and sexy time in the media is ruining your geek’s mind? Then casually slip this little puppy into his weekly Comic Stack and watch him shed a tear or two. You can purchase this gem of graphic literature at Amazon.com.

Why numbers are fun!

More often than not, people pour countless hours into activities they love or work towards bettering themselves personally, or for career based reasons. But today, the League is proud to present an aggregate statistical overview of the activity that we love, and love dearly…fragging online terrorists.

Call of Duty 4’s online stat tracking is pretty comprehensive, and is always a beauty to look at. So how do we stack up in the world of online, competitive shenanigan-ry? Let us take a look and see…

cod4-numbers-resized.jpg

Between the folks here at League of Avatars, (Dangerman64, Longcoitus, Nwpettigrew, Teen Ape) there are some mighty impressive (or pathetic) numbers to be had! In terms of total play time, we have thus far chocked up approximately 9 days and 14 hours of total play time. Or for those of you whole enjoy larger numbers, that’s 230 hours, or 13,800 minutes! Indeed folks, one knows not the meaning of determination until four people have collectively played only a single component of a game for more than 9 days worth of time.

On the lighter side of things, the League is also accountable for 30,822 online kills in COD4. Therefore, roughly 2.23 players online get fragged by us and throw down their controllers in disgust every minute we’re in battle! The total number of kills and time we’ve acquired online in COD4 equate to roughly the annihilation of the Russian city of Karpinsk, whose population is just over 30,800 in under 10 days time! And thats mainly through the use of small arms fire, with the occasional air support via airstrike or attack helicopter.

So the next time you hop online in Call of Duty 4 or any other online FPS, remember, all those stats you are acquiring mean something. Thankfully for some they’re not drafting us geeky/videogame type folks, because we sure know how to rack ‘em up.

The Devil Made Me Cry

devil-may-cry-4-20070604115522564.jpg 

The first big release of 2008 and it does not disappoint.  Although the story turns a bit whacky half way through the game, it delivers on all fronts.  The main character is one that everyone can relate to, while Dante is truly the most lovable asshole every created. 

 The game starts off with one of, if not, the best intro sequences I’ve ever witnessed.  It starts with Nero running towards a building, only for us to realize he is missing a performance from his love interest.  You get to see some fight sequences although its a cinematic sequence, you get to see the fighting style that is being presented.  Then you sit through some of the religious rhetoric that is present throughout the game.  THEN COMES THE BEST PART.  The GREATEST entrance made by a character ever.  Dante makes his first appearance and you finally get to take control of Nero.  

Graphically, the game is outstanding.  The artistic styling is superb and each character has the same amount of detail as the next.  There was no slow down or graphical glitches whatsoever.  As far as the audio for the game goes,  it was very good throughout the entire game.  The music kicks in at the right moments and keeps you intrigued the entire time its playing. The story is that of Nero’s quest to save the kidnapped girl, Kyrie.  Very Mario, i know.  You really start to care for the character of Nero, even though the game presents him as stand offish.  

Halfway through the game, you finally take control of the flagship Devil May Cry character, Dante.  With his contrasting style and swagger, the story becomes completely outlandish and over the top.  With many sexual innuendos abound, it’s hard not to notice that, playing as Nero, and Nero’s story is a far superior experience.  

Although the Dante aspect of the game slightly takes away from Nero’s quest, Devil May Cry 4 is an excellent game.  Especially considering the time of year that it has been released.  

FINAL SCORE: 8/10 

 

Trailer Trash : Never Back Down

As always, we wade through the waste to bring you the absolute worst in the film trailers so you don’t have to waste your time when the cinematic abortion actually comes out in theaters. This week we are going to take a look at a trailer for a film I’m calling bullshit on called Never Back Down. If you haven’t been exposed to this toxic trash check it out at the official website.

http://neverbackdownthemovie.com/

Shit has never been dressed up so well! I’m sure that some jerk off originally pitched this as the OC meets the UFC and it all fell apart from there. It even has FUCKING VOLCHEK from the OC in it!! ARGHH!!!

So basically, the plot, as I can figure it out, is about some new kid coming to town and talking to the wrong girl. So her asshole boyfriend, who just happens to be an illegal underground fighting champ, beats the shit out of our hero. Our hero wants to even the score so he finds a large black man, who is well versed in MMA, to teach him the ways of beating people to a bloody piss. Our hero will then step back into the illegal underground fighting and beat the asshole and get the girl.

Dear lord, now that I think about it, that plot sounds awfully familiar…hmm… oh that’s right, its because they made this exact same movie 15 YEARS AGO!!! yeah, check it out, the movie was called Showdown and it is fucking identical to this new fangled piece of shit.

Never Back Down

The only differences between these two flicks are that Djimon Hounsou replace Taebo’s Billy Blanks as the large black mentor and they coated Never Back Down in a layer of OC, Abercrombie and Fitch, jism.

There are no words for this abomination. This is just a lame ass attempt to grab a piece of the MMA Boom. To the filmmakers and all associated with Never Back Down, I can only say that I hope you burn in the lowest pits of Cinema Hell.